I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
3 2 1 whiskey
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
