fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
