I just threw up on my dentist
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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