i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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