he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
