We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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