I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
