Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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