i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
