i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
True strength comes from lack of pants
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
