It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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