Please, let me fuck your mom
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
