Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
