i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
