Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You made out with two different species that night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
