My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
