if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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