i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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