how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
