No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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