i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
