We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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