Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.

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(229): View more from Georgia

It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.

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(619): View more from California

She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something

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(251): View more from Alabama

I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled

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(904): View more from Florida

it's circumsized.

(954): View more from Florida

I think this conversation is over.

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(516): View more from New York

he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.

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(937): View more from Ohio

I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.

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