My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
