dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
