in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
