so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
