either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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