So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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