my vag is so smooth its legendary
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
