I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
