this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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