It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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