I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
