If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
