i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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