i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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