and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
