we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
