Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
