I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
