If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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