OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
