WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
smell my finger.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
