i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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