im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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