Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
