Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
