I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
