I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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