It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
