Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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