I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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